I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
