We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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