Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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