my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
