Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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