I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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