Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
