The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need to calm my uterus...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
