Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize