eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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