Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
