I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
