Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
