just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
