I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
