i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
