his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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