hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize