she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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