i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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