im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize