the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
