operation harelip BJ is a go
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
