why didn't you poke me back
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
