I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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