Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
