She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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