Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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