So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
