yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
