I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
