Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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