A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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