Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
