Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
