Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
