She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
