the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize