my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize