Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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