I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize