its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
