"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize