I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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