you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize