did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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