Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize