oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So much Jack, so little girl.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
