Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
