Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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