Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
