she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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