oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize