I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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