he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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