I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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