do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
