Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Vodka?
Forever.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
