Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
