I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
