I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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