Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My dick has a subreddit
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
