entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
