i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just come out here and I will go home with you...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
