There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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