Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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