i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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