just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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