Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
