I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
