Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
